Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Unemployment!!!!
I just can't figure this out..... Yes, I didn't finish college, and let's just say, I bombed at it.... Yet I thought that I had made something out of myself and that I had made some great choices for my life. So 3 years ago when I lost my job with Friday's it has been downhill for me. So yes, I should have taken college more seriously and I wish I would have had someone pushing me and riding me. Yet it is still nobody's fault but mine, yet I just wish..... Now I am having the hardest time finding my place where I can fit in, and strive. And this economy sucks..... Yet, I love how a single mom of 3 is having a hard time getting unemployment cuz I had to quit a job due to the hours did not work with my kids, yet their are dead beats out there on drugs and lazy sitting around their home on unemployment.... Funds are low, yes I know, yet drug test all of these losers taking advantage of the systems and we would save a whole hell of alot of money and maybe clean up a bunch of idiots..... So yes, I am still waiting on unemployment to decide if I deserve it due to the fact that I had to quit a job that I had to work 2nd or 3rd shift 7 days a week, while being a single mom... Yet losers that probably aren't even taking jobs or applying are getting it. So yes, needless to say I'm mad today.... So come monday when I still have found nothing and I am going on 3 weeks without any pay and have rent and utilities and preschool to pay for, those drug heads taking advantage can go buy their shit with their unemployment money and be happy....... And I am applying daily at jobs and trying my ass off....... So that is another thing that I don't understand. Am I so damn bad.... Why can I not find a job. I even applied somewhere and they pretty much told me cuz I use to be a General Manager that they didn't want to hire me to work under them with my past experience.... Just Freakin Great!!!!!!! UGH>>> that is my rant for the day.Now onto more positive thought, I know that God has a great plan for me, and he wants me to not be judging of others and their choices, yet it is so hard when I struggle so much and my stress is affecting me. Please Please Please let this stuff just become easier.... I just don't know how much more I can take......
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Family Weekend!
So what I thought started out as a crappy weekend, ended so Great!!! I had to work friday & saturday night 3rd shift 12 hour shifts yet when sunday morning came and I was walking out of work, I knew I was going to see my family and have fun!
My brother Ben came home from Michigan for the weekend to visit, and my cousin Claire cam home from college to visit too. We all went down to Pleasant Hill and stayed with Grumpy at his campsite and had fun. Even with the crappy rain, freezing temp, and the hard ground in the tent, it was still great to be with everyone. Ben moved away over 5 months ago for a job in Michigan and we hadn't seen him since. My boys happen to be down there also with their dad so we were able to steal them for awhile and they came to hang out with us and visit too..... What is better than chili, bud light, campfire, kicking everyones butt at cards, and pratical jokes.....
Then to end the weekend I got to hang out in Ashland for alittle while and got to see my aunt & uncle whom I feel like I never see, yet it's only 30 min away, and I stopped to see the Stoops's. Friends and Family are so important and we tend to get so caught up in what is going on with our lives that we forget to make room for it all sometimes.... I miss Sunday night dinners & just hanging out because. I hate change, well atleast the kind that sucks. LOL.
I also want everyone to keep the Stoops family in their prayers. Greg was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last week and has started chemo therapy. Jenn is so amazing and seems to be taking it amazingly, yet everyone needs love and support.... They have so much family & so many friends that they are blessed and I know that this will be tough for them, yet we must stay positive and pray for the best....
Here is the only picture that we got from the weekend, yet perfect. Love my family so much!!!
And as of me today, I have alot on my mind and I may talk more tomorrow, yet say alittle prayer for me to find my solitude and my place in life....
My brother Ben came home from Michigan for the weekend to visit, and my cousin Claire cam home from college to visit too. We all went down to Pleasant Hill and stayed with Grumpy at his campsite and had fun. Even with the crappy rain, freezing temp, and the hard ground in the tent, it was still great to be with everyone. Ben moved away over 5 months ago for a job in Michigan and we hadn't seen him since. My boys happen to be down there also with their dad so we were able to steal them for awhile and they came to hang out with us and visit too..... What is better than chili, bud light, campfire, kicking everyones butt at cards, and pratical jokes.....
Then to end the weekend I got to hang out in Ashland for alittle while and got to see my aunt & uncle whom I feel like I never see, yet it's only 30 min away, and I stopped to see the Stoops's. Friends and Family are so important and we tend to get so caught up in what is going on with our lives that we forget to make room for it all sometimes.... I miss Sunday night dinners & just hanging out because. I hate change, well atleast the kind that sucks. LOL.
I also want everyone to keep the Stoops family in their prayers. Greg was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last week and has started chemo therapy. Jenn is so amazing and seems to be taking it amazingly, yet everyone needs love and support.... They have so much family & so many friends that they are blessed and I know that this will be tough for them, yet we must stay positive and pray for the best....
Here is the only picture that we got from the weekend, yet perfect. Love my family so much!!!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Miranda Lambert you are so right, yet maybe alittle wrong!
On my way home from the awkward "drop off" with the kids that I do weekly and I had turned the radio up loud and was jamming to some Jason Aldean when Miranda Lambert came on singing about the house that made me..... It goes alot with what has been on my mind today and is so true, yet maybe alittle wrong.
You know when you hear a song and you try to put the meaning of it to yourself and find that place that it is suppose to take you? I do that alot. I love music..... But anyway, I can't help but do that on ballads especially and that song is so meaningful. The houses that we grow up in mold us into the type of people that we are, or mold us into the type of people that we don't want to be or just pieces of it are good and bad. You get the picture, you decide from those things what to take with you or what has influenced you the most and that makes you be you. You decide what type of person you want to be, and people love or hate you for it, yet you were made that way before you knew them and they love you for it....
So if I think about it, I do that with so many people. I look at where they came from for an excuse as to why they are nice, rude, dirty, clean, polite, generous, godly, and loving..... So am I judging or am I honest or am I just looking for something to start on to understand people. I think alittle of all in the end...
So myself I think of how I grew up and my family and the house I was raised in. Technically I feel like I was raised in many homes. Not in a bad way, yet I split my time between my mom, my dad, and my grandma. They have all made me who I am, yet my strengths and weaknesses come from there too.... Yet it is not only the homes we grew up in, yet the people that we grew up around or even those that we had the pleasure of knowing along the way.... Everyone has good and bad memories or even stories to tell, yet it is what you do with them and how they make you a better or worse person that really tells the lifelong story.
So after all of that rambling and I don't know how much sense it made, yet this is what I think about myself. I grew up with divorced parents, yet thankfully because I would never have had such amazing brothers, not half brothers, but brothers.... And so much of my life revolves around their love and support. I felt loved in many ways and I was able to be very social and active which led me to a better lifestyle. I was lucky enough to have a grandma & grandpa that treated me like a daughter when I needed it most and whom were always there for me through so much. Yet in the same sense along the way I have gone through things that have left me with large trust issues with everyone, the ability to feel like I cannot commit to the right ones because I feel that they all leave eventually so I guard myself from that pain, and I worry that addiction could control my life if I let it due to being unhappy.....
So what do I do with all of this.... I am a big girl, and others could know my stories and could say "I've been through worse" or "get over it." Yet we all deal differently and I feel like I do pretty good. I know my issues and I know what I have lost along the way because of my issues, yet I just have to know that God has a plan in here somewhere for me to go through it and come out strong. And some days I struggle more than others and sometimes I say things I shouldn't, yet at one point so has everyone.... So I look back at those amazing people that taught me unconditional love, true love, caring, compassion, and how to hold my head up and move on, and I thank them for loving me..... So to everyone that made me the way I am thank you & damn you!!! LOL.
There is my insight for the day due to music, and I promise the other 50 songs I hear in the next day or so I won't write about each, yet some just touch you to think... And thank you for teaching me that....
You know when you hear a song and you try to put the meaning of it to yourself and find that place that it is suppose to take you? I do that alot. I love music..... But anyway, I can't help but do that on ballads especially and that song is so meaningful. The houses that we grow up in mold us into the type of people that we are, or mold us into the type of people that we don't want to be or just pieces of it are good and bad. You get the picture, you decide from those things what to take with you or what has influenced you the most and that makes you be you. You decide what type of person you want to be, and people love or hate you for it, yet you were made that way before you knew them and they love you for it....
So if I think about it, I do that with so many people. I look at where they came from for an excuse as to why they are nice, rude, dirty, clean, polite, generous, godly, and loving..... So am I judging or am I honest or am I just looking for something to start on to understand people. I think alittle of all in the end...
So myself I think of how I grew up and my family and the house I was raised in. Technically I feel like I was raised in many homes. Not in a bad way, yet I split my time between my mom, my dad, and my grandma. They have all made me who I am, yet my strengths and weaknesses come from there too.... Yet it is not only the homes we grew up in, yet the people that we grew up around or even those that we had the pleasure of knowing along the way.... Everyone has good and bad memories or even stories to tell, yet it is what you do with them and how they make you a better or worse person that really tells the lifelong story.
So after all of that rambling and I don't know how much sense it made, yet this is what I think about myself. I grew up with divorced parents, yet thankfully because I would never have had such amazing brothers, not half brothers, but brothers.... And so much of my life revolves around their love and support. I felt loved in many ways and I was able to be very social and active which led me to a better lifestyle. I was lucky enough to have a grandma & grandpa that treated me like a daughter when I needed it most and whom were always there for me through so much. Yet in the same sense along the way I have gone through things that have left me with large trust issues with everyone, the ability to feel like I cannot commit to the right ones because I feel that they all leave eventually so I guard myself from that pain, and I worry that addiction could control my life if I let it due to being unhappy.....
So what do I do with all of this.... I am a big girl, and others could know my stories and could say "I've been through worse" or "get over it." Yet we all deal differently and I feel like I do pretty good. I know my issues and I know what I have lost along the way because of my issues, yet I just have to know that God has a plan in here somewhere for me to go through it and come out strong. And some days I struggle more than others and sometimes I say things I shouldn't, yet at one point so has everyone.... So I look back at those amazing people that taught me unconditional love, true love, caring, compassion, and how to hold my head up and move on, and I thank them for loving me..... So to everyone that made me the way I am thank you & damn you!!! LOL.
There is my insight for the day due to music, and I promise the other 50 songs I hear in the next day or so I won't write about each, yet some just touch you to think... And thank you for teaching me that....
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