I wanted to write something about the kids mishaps today too. Poor Landyn went to the doctor today and has to go see a specialist on friday! He has a growth with a bone in it inside of his nose. He told me the other day, "mommy there is something in my nose, I can't get my finger in all the way." Yeah, so when I looked at it, he has a huge lump the size of a pea in his little nose. It doesn't hurt him, yet the doctor brought to my attention that his nose is crooked, and sure as shit, it was. How could I have not noticed that, yet I don't shove my finger in his nose regularly either......
So, while we are at the doctors I asked her to look at his butt, since he itches it like crazy. I have looked for pin worms, yet never see anything..... Well, he drops his pants and undies, and of course Ashtin and Gavin are just laughing away at Landyn bending over for the doctor. She spreads his little bum and says, he has Strept of the butt!!!!!!!!! Really, I thought that was for your throat... Nope, you can get it anywhere. Leave it to Landyn.
So, we had fun today. That made our 3rd doctor visit this week and still 2 more to go. Plus we had 2 visits last week. Can you say BROKE!!! Thank goodness we are still on that good old autoworkers insurance... Get it all out of the way now I guess....
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
First step!!!
Well, I called around today and I have an interview to look at a house in Wooster on Thursday night. The longer I wait, the more I will let him change my mind. Is it bad of me for not telling him that I am looking for a place, and that I am for sure leaving? I am worried about the back lash that I will have to deal with while still here. Plus he will start his, oh I love you, and I am trying, and I messed up so much and just give me another chance!!!! I just want to say, I'm leaving, and be gone.........
The house we are looking at is by the college, a bigger older house, all wood floors, brand new kitchen and appliances, all remodeled, garage, big backyard, and supposively a good neighborhood. It seemed like it when I was living in wooster before. So we will see.
So, how is this going to be for my kids? That is my biggest concern. Ashtin is starting his 5th week of kindergarten here, and I am uprooting him to a new school. Landyn is in his 3rd week of preschool and I am uprooting him. Gavin will not understand. There father is like their friend to them. He comes home and plays with them and has all the cool toys. Then in the same sense, I am also feeling sorry for David. He is going to give me the biggest woe is me. He is such a crier, and he is going to throw everything at me to make me feel bad...... I do feel bad for him, I feel bad that he is going to be lonely and that his family is hard to handle. He had so many chances to change that, but it is all he knows, and changing someone set in their ways is hard.
On a good note with the kids, they are going to be around so much family, and have so many friends. Ashtin will be going to school with atleast someone he knows, and that will make the transition alittle easier. I will have to find a preschool for Landyn and pay out of pocket until the divorce is finalized, I know that I will not see any money from David until he has too...... That is by far a big worry. Can you imagine walking away from your marriage, and moving to a new town with no job. I will be looking right away, but I will have no childcare until I get a job because of expenses. Hopefully I may be approved for help with childcare from the county, but they will not even look at you until you have a job, and they can get your info on hours and pay.... So, I'm alittle worried......
So, today I keep telling myself to be strong, remember the long term goal, and keep my head up!!! I want to be happy and this is the way to get it, even though it seems stressful right now!!!
The house we are looking at is by the college, a bigger older house, all wood floors, brand new kitchen and appliances, all remodeled, garage, big backyard, and supposively a good neighborhood. It seemed like it when I was living in wooster before. So we will see.
So, how is this going to be for my kids? That is my biggest concern. Ashtin is starting his 5th week of kindergarten here, and I am uprooting him to a new school. Landyn is in his 3rd week of preschool and I am uprooting him. Gavin will not understand. There father is like their friend to them. He comes home and plays with them and has all the cool toys. Then in the same sense, I am also feeling sorry for David. He is going to give me the biggest woe is me. He is such a crier, and he is going to throw everything at me to make me feel bad...... I do feel bad for him, I feel bad that he is going to be lonely and that his family is hard to handle. He had so many chances to change that, but it is all he knows, and changing someone set in their ways is hard.
On a good note with the kids, they are going to be around so much family, and have so many friends. Ashtin will be going to school with atleast someone he knows, and that will make the transition alittle easier. I will have to find a preschool for Landyn and pay out of pocket until the divorce is finalized, I know that I will not see any money from David until he has too...... That is by far a big worry. Can you imagine walking away from your marriage, and moving to a new town with no job. I will be looking right away, but I will have no childcare until I get a job because of expenses. Hopefully I may be approved for help with childcare from the county, but they will not even look at you until you have a job, and they can get your info on hours and pay.... So, I'm alittle worried......
So, today I keep telling myself to be strong, remember the long term goal, and keep my head up!!! I want to be happy and this is the way to get it, even though it seems stressful right now!!!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Are my expectations too high? No!!!!
I was talking to one of my besties the other night, and I am starting to wonder if my expectations are too high. Do I deserve to have my expectations so high? One of my other besties the other day told me, "marriage is hard, and it definately is not the fairy tale that it is made out to be, it takes alot of work." So now I am coming to the conclusion that I must give up on this fairy tale dream of happiness that I have wanted all my life.
Yet, I think more (which I do too much), and I have come to a conclusion. Marriage is hard, and it does take alot of work. But you can still have that fairy tale love and equal relationship. I think that if you truely do love each other unconditionally and you are commited equally, then it will make the hard things alittle easier. And there is the cheesy saying, "love conquers all." I have come to believe that I would take being in love unconditionally and being equal partners going through hard times, rather than staying with someone for the wrong reason and never being complete. That is my goal and my dream. I want someone to treat me the way that I treat them, and I want them to just love me so much that they would do anything, unconditionally. When you love each other that way, you have a fairytale, no matter the economic struggles or outside world. You are the exception....... I want to be the exception......
Yet, I think more (which I do too much), and I have come to a conclusion. Marriage is hard, and it does take alot of work. But you can still have that fairy tale love and equal relationship. I think that if you truely do love each other unconditionally and you are commited equally, then it will make the hard things alittle easier. And there is the cheesy saying, "love conquers all." I have come to believe that I would take being in love unconditionally and being equal partners going through hard times, rather than staying with someone for the wrong reason and never being complete. That is my goal and my dream. I want someone to treat me the way that I treat them, and I want them to just love me so much that they would do anything, unconditionally. When you love each other that way, you have a fairytale, no matter the economic struggles or outside world. You are the exception....... I want to be the exception......
My first blog!
Well, I have been talking about writing a book, this may be a great start to my stories....
I just happened to be looking around on facebook and saw one of my friends had a blog, so I checked it out. Now, I am here and excited to get started. I am about to embark in a big journey in my life, and you will get to hear all about it.... Pray for me and the kids.
I just happened to be looking around on facebook and saw one of my friends had a blog, so I checked it out. Now, I am here and excited to get started. I am about to embark in a big journey in my life, and you will get to hear all about it.... Pray for me and the kids.
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