First step!!!

Well, I called around today and I have an interview to look at a house in Wooster on Thursday night. The longer I wait, the more I will let him change my mind. Is it bad of me for not telling him that I am looking for a place, and that I am for sure leaving? I am worried about the back lash that I will have to deal with while still here. Plus he will start his, oh I love you, and I am trying, and I messed up so much and just give me another chance!!!! I just want to say, I'm leaving, and be gone.........

The house we are looking at is by the college, a bigger older house, all wood floors, brand new kitchen and appliances, all remodeled, garage, big backyard, and supposively a good neighborhood. It seemed like it when I was living in wooster before. So we will see.

So, how is this going to be for my kids? That is my biggest concern. Ashtin is starting his 5th week of kindergarten here, and I am uprooting him to a new school. Landyn is in his 3rd week of preschool and I am uprooting him. Gavin will not understand. There father is like their friend to them. He comes home and plays with them and has all the cool toys. Then in the same sense, I am also feeling sorry for David. He is going to give me the biggest woe is me. He is such a crier, and he is going to throw everything at me to make me feel bad...... I do feel bad for him, I feel bad that he is going to be lonely and that his family is hard to handle. He had so many chances to change that, but it is all he knows, and changing someone set in their ways is hard.

On a good note with the kids, they are going to be around so much family, and have so many friends. Ashtin will be going to school with atleast someone he knows, and that will make the transition alittle easier. I will have to find a preschool for Landyn and pay out of pocket until the divorce is finalized, I know that I will not see any money from David until he has too...... That is by far a big worry. Can you imagine walking away from your marriage, and moving to a new town with no job. I will be looking right away, but I will have no childcare until I get a job because of expenses. Hopefully I may be approved for help with childcare from the county, but they will not even look at you until you have a job, and they can get your info on hours and pay.... So, I'm alittle worried......

So, today I keep telling myself to be strong, remember the long term goal, and keep my head up!!! I want to be happy and this is the way to get it, even though it seems stressful right now!!!