My baby is 6, and he is reminding me with every chance that he gets. "Mom, I don't need to hold your hand while in the parking lot", "mom, I have my own money", "mom, can you believe it, I'm almost 6 1/2." These are the whispers of him growing up so quick. With the help of my family we threw him a great party out here at Matt & Terri's house. The weather turned out to be great, and we had the Darth Vader Piniata outside, along with him being able to ride his new bike I bought him. The whole weekend was just great, having my moms help and staying for the weekend, seeing my family and friends, and just having everyones support and love. It is crazy how they all saw my unhappiness and are happy for my decisions. And I thought that I hid it so well for the most part.
With the onset of Ashtin's birthday, I know that I now have a December birthday (Landyn), xmas, and a January birthday (Gavin) to attempt to afford. The stress has always been there, yet this year it is even stronger!!! I guess maybe I picked the wrong time of the year to move out on my own. LOL... I am trying to find a job, find a place to live, finalize my dissolution, afford three birthdays and xmas, and get all of the things I need for my own place, and still move out of my brothers by the first of the month. Where do I begin? Yet one thing that I can say is that I fall asleep so much better, I smile more, and I just feel more at peace 4 days a week than I have in such a long time.... I am working on the other 3 days that I must deal with him.
Ashtin had his first teacher/parent conference tonight. She absolutely loves him in her class, and says that he is loved by all the students and he is very social and active with everyone. He did come into the year behind in cirriculum since he came from a 1/2 day school, and here they are full day, but he is catching right up. All of his marks on his report card were great, and I see no reason to worry that any of this is effecting his school work and learning.
On the subject of Ashtin, I had a big hurdle this weekend. His father came to get the boys saturday night after the party, so that he could have a party for him in cleveland on sunday. All was fine, he came to wooster since I had a house of people, and I drove to cleveland for pick up on sunday. When I get there he isn't even there, and I had to wait. Then when they do get there, I see him talking to ashtin all quiet and secretive, and all of a sudden Ashtin is crying. He is then telling me that he doesnt' want to go because he wants all of his new toys he got, and his dad will not let him bring them to my house. They must stay with him....... You can not do that to a 6 year old on his birthday with his new presents. He took new presents from my party up there!!!!! How horrible did I feel, and then his father makes it out to be like Ashtin is upset because he doesnt' want to go with me, and that he wants his daddy.... No, he wanted the damn toys he just got !!! How do I explain that to my son? How do I comfort him without showing my anger and pain towards his dad? The whole thing is so hard and sad..... And to top it off, he can't even afford to pay his bills or give me any money to help out for the kids, yet he went over board on Ashtin's birthday trying to buy his love.....I know that eventually they will see through that, but what do I do in the mean time? His family buys love and effection instead of building lifelong memories and realationships. It is sad. They hand out money and gifts, rather than be a role model or real family........... Enough on that subject right now.
Beyond those issues, the kids seem to be doing great. Just tonight uncle Matt sat with Ashtin and built his new lego creature with him. They love the library and playing outside in the huge yard. Riding their bikes outside may be their favorite though. Matt & Terri have been great with the boys and have just taken a great role at helping with the setting of rules and holding standards, yet also it is great to see them all spending so much time together. I have missed my family so much, and I am just blessed to be able to be here right now. Let's just hope that life keeps getting better..... Night....
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It's truly bittersweet watching those babies grow up. It's amazing to see the "people" they have developed into...keep doing what you're doing - the kids will always know love from you. It's a true shame their father can't teach them mutual respect and not compete with you. Stay true to yourself and your kids, your kindness will always win in the end...
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