Old Friend

So recently I have reconnected with an old friend that I hadn't spoken with in over 2 years. So when she had asked me to do a girls day and meet halfway to catch up and do pedicures & nails I was in. Who knew that it would make me think so much.....

As we sat there today I was looking at her remembering her from the past, she looked great! I asked alot of questions about her life and how it had been and she spoke of her new love & her son alot.... As we spoke I realized why she looked so great to me, she was finally truely happy. She had a glow about her and spoke like she had so many things in place that may not have been there before. Then she talked about something that kinda struck a nerve with me... She said that she had lost her job and gotten into a bad routine.. She saw herself one day and didn't like where she had gotten. She said that she had to pull herself up and take steps to make things better....

So that is kinda the crossroads that I am at right now. I look at myself in the mirror and hate what I see that I have let myself become. I either don't wear makeup or wear too much to try to make myself feel better, I sleep whenever I can, I hate putting on nice clothes and I am soooo insecure about the way that I look now... I have done this too myself. So until I change that one step at a time, it is never going to get better... So for the past few weeks I have felt alittle selfish cuz I went and bought myself a few new outfits, got my nails done, got a massage, and today I got a pedicure. Was it alittle selfish money wise, yes. But did it make me feel better, yes. I did something for me that made me feel better and feel prettier.

Everyone always says, Sam your beautiful, you are not fat, anyone would be stupid to not want to be with you, and so on... Yet I don't see myself that way, and until I do, things won't get better.... I was so use to being able to be 135 lbs all the time no matter what I ate and never had to work out and never had to try to get attention from men.... That is a brave thing to say, I know, yet you know what I mean.. So now I have put on weight and I feel unhappy and uncute.... So I need to spend more time on me and be selfish, maybe not so expensive all the time, yet find ways to do it every once in awhile. And on top of all of that, I need to make healthy choices in my life.. No diet per say, yet healthy choices.... Cuz this fat is not going to go anywhere all by itself.....

Landyn starts Kindergarten

All 3 boys on Landyn's 1st day of Kindergarten

Ashtin's 3rd day of 2nd grade

Gavin starts preschool for the last year!

My big Kindergartener

Best buds!!! Ashtin is showing him the ropes and touring him around the school. Thank goodness their rooms are right next to each other in that big school. They even eat at the same time.

Life does get better!!!

As I woke up this morning, my first day to sleep in for 21 days, I thought about how much fun I had last night and how thankful I was to have that many wonderful people in my life to do things with. I have just been so down lately that you tend to forget about all of the great.

Life has definately threw me through some hoops and given me some ups and downs, yet for the first time in awhile I feel like I am on a better track and also like I am starting to rebuild.... I don't know what I would do without those around me everyday and those that are close that have spent so much time with me and made time for me & the kids. I have been nothing but cranky, difficult at times, and depressed and they put up with it and knew that I just needed to get through it. I love you guys and you know who you are.

So if you don't already know I am now working at LuK here in Wooster, and hoping that this is where I can grow and conquer.. My first 3 weeks I had to work 7 days a week and it definately took its toll on me. I think more so that I had to let the boys stay with their dad the whole time cuz I couldn't afford childcare, and I missed them so much. Yet they come home today and I am so excited. School starts tomorrow for Ashtin in 2nd grade & Gavin for preschool, and Landyn will start kindergarten on Wednesday... They are just growing up so fast.... I will get some new pics on here soon, just usually I get on in a rush and never make time to do it.

Well I am off to get ready to pick up the boys & a fun afternoon with them.

I thank God for all of the wonderful blessings his is giving me and for taking care of me even when I was angry......