Am I loveable?

So I come to my blog tonight to write, just cuz I feel like it and it seems to make me feel better most times...

I have had a pretty amazing week of good things and sunshine entering my life, and I could not be more thankful and appriciative.. Things have been so rough for so long, that I started to think they would never look up. Yet I should have stronger faith in the fact that it will all work out and that I am being taken care of and always have what I need.. I am lucky.

I have been very emotional lately when it comes to love and feeling that desire to need compassion and affection. I know that it is obviously something that you cannot force or go finding, yet I am just a romantic at heart and dream of the day that I can love again and to have someone love me back. I went to the movies tonight to see "The Vow" and I just can't seem to get it off of my mind. I can only dream that love that deep and beautiful is real. And if it is, I can only pray that it finds me.... To be that special to someone and for them to love you whole hearted is amazing. Nothing in life is perfect except true love. Circumstances and life interfere, yet love is perfect...

I sometimes wonder if I am still loveable. I have so many fears and issues of trust, yet I hope someone breaks down those walls someday. I have pushed people away all my life, including those that I have been lucky enough to have loved me when I wasnt ready, and now I am scared that I lost my chance or that there are not going to be anymore.... I want something new, fresh, and something to make me feel alive again.... Is it out there somewhere????

Me and my thoughts...

Sometimes you just want someone to listen and hold you when you are crying or need to talk.... Sometimes you just need someone to say, you are beautiful.... And sometimes you just want to hear, I love you....

I am so incredibly blessed by such an amazing family and group of friends, yet sometimes it just gets emotionally lonely. I have always been a very physical and emotional person. That is how I express myself, and who doesn't love to cuddle or just get attention. I have noticed it more lately bothering me. I always say I hate men for all that I have been through, and that I need time... Yet I know I am ready for some type of something.. I don't know what it will be, or maybe just a friendship. But I need something.

I don't think I even know how to date anymore, and even how to go about it... So crazy compared to me 10 years ago. LOL. Yet I also have no self confidence anymore.... Where do I begin, and how do I start this journey. I know deep down that I am feeling better and I am not ready for anything serious, yet I just want to start somewhere... Pray for me, cuz I may need it, and so will he..... LOL