A New Day for my Family

Well, the boys and I are all settled. It did not take long considering the fact that we brought so little. The move went smooth and the kids did great. When we got to Wooster they were so excited and full of energy. I loved the fact that mom was here to help and to make me feel comfortable with my decision. We all had lunch and dinner together, and it was just very comfy. Sunday was awesome, we spent the day revolving around the kids and making sure they were happy and enjoying their new area. We carved pumpkins, played outside for most of the day with our new friends next door, helped grandpa pick up sticks outside, and prepared Ashtin for his first day of his new school. Today (Monday), we got up early and went to meet Ashtins new teacher and drop him off at school. I think his nerves were bothering him a bit and he was alittle shy, but it just so happened that today was a fieldtrip and he made it through his first whole day. He was use to 1/2 day school and now he is going to full days. He loves that he gets to eat at school, and that his new friend will be riding the bus with him in the morning. He is so wishy washy at times and I can't tell if he's happy or not. Yet I think I need to give it more time. I worry about him so much and I know this is the hardest on him. He lives his dad and misses him so much.

So, I must say I do not know what I would do without my family. My brother and Terri have taken us in and made us feel right at home. I have my own room, the boys have a room, and they have their own play/tv room. They did all of this for us. I feel so loved and I know that I made the right decisions, especially when I have such great people standing beside me. I know that with my family and friends, I can do anything and get through anything. Now I just need to remember that daily.

One thing I know, my mind & body are so much more happy and at ease for the most part. I feel more in control of my life......

This is a sad and sappy blog, BEWARE

I am so emotional today. I never thought in a million years that this was going to be so hard and emotionally draining. You think, I'm not in love with this person anymore, so I'll leave and start fresh. Well, let me be the one to tell you that is not how it goes. First you must hear all of the most hurtful things you can, fight more than ever, and live in what feels like his house while he toys with you... If I did not have children..... Yet I do, and love them with everything, and that is why I am going through this and putting up with it. In the beginning, I felt like I had the upper hand, and that I was in control. Little by little that is slipping away, and I worry daily whether or not he will just freak out and get an attorney.

We have chosen to do this the easy and cheapest way, dissolution. Yet even easier and cheaper, we are doing it ourselves and filing. So this means we must talk everything through, agree, and come to final decisions without our emotions getting in the way. Just last night he told me all of his drug problems and health issues were because of me. He fell out of love with me years ago, and couldn't handle it....... Really???? He is comparing me dealing with him out of work for drug issues and mental illness, to him dealing with my weight gain, post partum, and acne....... How much lower can someone get you??

While trying to make decisions on who gets what, there is the apparent jabs and smart ass comments. Yet, I will not lie, I can play too. But I am just fried. I have thrown up more in the last few days, then in years combined. My stomach is one big knot, and I feel at the mercy of this man. All of this because I wanted to save myself from spending so much money on an attorney and the hassle of a drawn out court battle.

Yet when I got on here today, I read a blog from a friend of mine, and it just makes me remember, Things could be so much worse. My children are healthy, I am healthy, and I will hopefully be happy in months to come. I must find the good in my days and keep moving. Sometimes, it is just so so hard........

My friend Mandy is Wonderful, READ THIS POSTED BY MANDY

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Tutu's for Tuesday

So I've been reading this blog and haven't been able to get this family off my mind. Most everyone knows of the tutu photoshoot Marley had with her friends Fiona and Gabriella. They had so much fun together. Ok who am I kidding, they cried the entire time. They hated it. But, we did get some cute pictures out of it. Anyways, I found on Jessica's blog about Tutu's for Tuesday. I got in touch with the woman who did the girls' tutu's and she agreed to make some for this great cause. I purchased 5, along with 5 beanie caps to keep those cute little bald heads warm. Amy, the fab tutu maker, is even donating a few herself. It feels so amazing to be helping those kids out, in any way possible. I can't even imagine those babies dancing and twirling to their heart's content. I only hope it brings them joy and peace, and maybe even a memory to last a lifetime for their families.

If you are interested in donating a tutu, please let me know, as I'll be sending them when they are ready. You can contact Amy, the fab tutu maker, as well at her website. She is so generous to do this, so again, if you're interested, send her a message or let me know!

Posted by Mandy at 1:15 PM

Ben's Graduation Party

Well, Ben did it!! The first Reynolds to graduate College (not including to married in ones, lol). My Grandma Mary would be so proud, or should I say, she is so proud of him. I also am very proud. He stuck to it, and was determined.

So what did we do, we through him a Reynolds style party. Ribs, cake, hay bales, fire, corn hole, ALOT OF BEER, beer pong (which I learned how to play, and Uncle Al was my partner), and most of all, Family. It was really nice to see some we hadn't seen in a while, and nice just to have an excuse to get together with the rest.

In the pics, top to bottom.
1st- Ben, Uncle Al, Grandpa (grumpy)
2nd- Emma, Ben's little sister
3rd- Anna
4th- Claire & Angie
5th- Ben playing corn hole

Absolutely Wonderful Photographer

One beautiful day in Ohio, the boys had there own photo shoot with Kristy Walker, and the pics turned out amazing. Kristy is starting up alittle something for fun, so hit her up if you are interested... I have the info. She took over 170 pics, and I have almost 100 great shots..... Thanks Kris, love ya!

The stuff my mind thinks about

So as I sit here and think about all the things that will need to be done for this journey that I am going to be taking in my life, one day comes to mind. As most of you know, last year at this time I also moved out and separated from David. During that time the kids and I had been renting a double from a friend of ours. I made alot of mistakes, like not working and sitting on my unemployment. Doing this made me very lonely and bored most days. One day in particular, that really sums up how I was feeling at the time, was just horrible. It all started with going to the grocery store with the kids. I had gotten quite a bit of stuff, and we were heading home I believe and driving through a major 4 way stop light. As my light turned green, I went to go, and to my surprise the hatch of my van opened and everything went into the main intersection. Not one person stopped to help me clean it up or anything..... I had to pull to the side and do it myself with all 3 kids screaming in the back seat. Then as we get home, Ashtin was so excited to make our valentines day cupcakes, so we got everything out, including the HUGE container of red/pink/white ball sprinkles. As I am in the other room, Ashtin tried to open the sprinkles himself by pulling the top off, not screwing. Needless to say, the whole kitchen and inside of the stove, just EVERYWHERE had little sprinkles...... Later that night while I was showering, Ashtin comes in and says, "mom you might want to come out here.....", Landyn was standing on my kitchen sink with the sink spray hose in his hand, watering the whole kitchen.......

So yes, I am scared, nervous, and straight up petrified about this decision.... Yet, I hope that all the happiness will help me handle those situations.... Just on my mind, and felt like sharing. I have really taken to blogging rather than writing in my journal.. Hope you enjoy my thoughts, fears, and funny stories.

Fun day at the Pumpkin Farm

This past weekend we went pumpkin picking and had some farm fun in Ashland with Aunt Debbie and Uncle Bill. Honey Haven farm was alot of fun and the kids loved it.... As you can see in the pics, they all got to take turns with a pumpkin sling shot, and they also got to do corn launching with a big gun. It looked like a potato launcher. We got our faces painted, petting zoo, corn maze, horse drawn carriage ride to go pick pumkins, and awesome food. My favorite was they have chestnut trees and they had some for sale and REALLY CHEAP!!! The boys just had such a great time, and it was nice to spend the day with family.

Landyn's Doctors Visit

I totally forgot to give a follow up on Landyn's specialist appointment. So he has a deviated septum. They think that maybe he had gotten hurt at one point and cracked his bone and it is healing wrong. His nose is pretty crooked. So, he has about 30% of oxygen coming through his nose when it should be 100%. With him being so little they just leave it be until he is a teenager and then fix it, unless it gets worse and he can't breath out that side. So I guess it is good news that there is nothing serious wrong, poor baby may have to have his nose broke in the future though. YUCK!!

As for his butt, we are still on amoxocillan, and he did have strept of the butt. YUCK!! So his butt was contagious. Guess thats only for the one whom wipes it, YEAH ME!!!

Happy Week

Happy Week, that is what I am trying to have.

I was driving home from Ashland last night, and really starting to get down and I just couldn't stop crying. I started to think of all the reasons that I did not want to come home and what the week may bring. So like alot of people do, I plugged in my ipod and started looking up music that would fit my mood. I turned on one of my favorite Kings of Leons songs, and was listening as I it went down the album. All of a sudden I hear the warm voice of James Taylor. It seemed to come at a great time. That was the next artist on my playlist or "purchased on my iphone." As I listened to him sing, it just calmed me right down. "Won't you look down upon me jesus, you gotta help me make a stand. You've just got to see me through another day. My body's aching and my time is at hand, I won't make it any other way." "My back turned towards the sun, Lord knows when the cold wind blows it will turn your head around."You think something is as worse as it can get, yet things could always get worse. I have to put my foot down, stop feeling sorry for myself, and make the good in the situation shine through. The choices I am making in my life right now are the best for me and my children, and I need to keep remembering that. There will be a better day, and there will be better things in the future to come our way. Something that my aunt sent me the other day:

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did." When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... "The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

I love this, it comforted me so much, yet I let it slip my mind so easily, just like other positive things in my life...... I need to keep positive and do positive things for myself and my kids. If they see me all upset and stressed, it is going to make this situation just as hard for them.....

So today I got on the computer to check all my stuff, instead of using my phone, and while on someone elses facebook page I saw a link to a blog of someone they knew. I decided to check it out. While on there, it was just so beautiful and full of what I needed. How did I come to this page? Was I led to it because I needed to hear what it was saying? Was it someones plan? Things I asked myself, and this is one of the beautiful things that I read:

"Perhaps you need to look up and around instead of back and down. Lift your eyes and see the amazing future which bursts with hope for in you God. Don't spend your life mourning over what you have lost and what is already gone; take an inventory of what you have left and keep going, one foot in front of the other, one step of faith at a time. Remember, God is on your side."

I have forgotten this, and maybe that is what has made my road alittle harder. So for me this week, I am trying to stay positive, I am trying to be thankful for what I have, I am going to be ok.....