I had gotten a much better sleeping pattern until the past week or so.... I find myself just angry and full of disappointment..... I am struggling with just being an adult because I have too, then to feeling disguist. Have you ever been around someone whom makes you feel 1 inch tall, yet you have to deal with it anyway. With every word that comes out of their mouth is about something you have done wrong in their eyes, yet never about all of the good.... Being around someone like that gets draining and overwhelming to the point that you start feeling everything is criticizing whether it is or not, and you became angry and full of a lot less drive to achieve what will in some way be found wrong in their eyes. So why try, why do what makes sense or a good idea, do the wrong or longer way to surpass. I'm not perfect and I can't deny one or 2 good moments, yet they don't cover up all the horrible ones. My favorite is the idea of a talk where I am told "you need to listen" for 10 min straight while I am bashed in a smart ass word phrasing way that they knew I would catch onto, to then be told its my turn. I am at this point in tears because I just listened to 10 min of all what they thought was all my fault and nothing but another way to make me feel like dirt under their shoe, so instead of firing back I babble real fast with one thing I think is wrong and 10 words into my first sentence I am cut off to be told I'm wrong. So what's best for me, to say ok and find an excuse to walk away..... Yet I am told that it's ok that it's this way and deal. And deal is what I must do, yet it sucks. I think so many factors that are too long to explain right now have helped this situation get where it is, yet I just don't know where it ends. I am embarrassed that some things have turned out the way they did, and I feel like I lost something that was never really mine. I know deep down it was definitely for the best for me and my family, yet professionally and personally I felt embarrasses because I had to explain over and over why what I was so vocal to everyone was going to happen, then didn't happen. And I felt like I was a loser professionally even though financially it was better off. So my ego hurt...... I know, silly, yet it is what it is. So now, how do u deal with what bothers you so much and hurts you that others don't see the behind the scenes, and go home happy and full filled at the end of the day. Because yes, we all have responsibilities and in what is today's economy we r thankful to have jobs, yet we want to feel respected.....
I kinda feel better. I have been sitting on a lot of that for days and couldn't figure out how to get it out without feeling like a Winey baby. My biggest downfall in this is that I don't forgive easily. When someone says things about you that you over hear or even the lack of respect for months, how do you then feel like they are genuine... And I have heard things I haven't repeated and dealt with crap because I just don't want to be the one that complains all the time. Yet how do u move past this and not feel anger or mistrust... Yet how do u accept being told its all ok, we just must deal with it. I guess my morals are different and I have higher expectations in people. Yet maybe I'm being overly sensitive in the business world and there are always going to be those type of people. I guess in the end, I deal until I don't have to anymore! So my rich dream man better hurry it up!!!!! Thanks for listening to me babble as usual, and I love getting things off my chest. Being an over emotional being sucks sometimes.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
I Feel You Close
WRITTEN WHILE ON FLIGHT TO MEXICO!!!
I have such a hard time sleeping on airplanes, yet today thankfully our flights seem to be going quick! I have seemed to doze off a few times, and this last time I woke, my dream came to me so clear..... It was a similar resemblance of my dream last night, my Grandma...... Neither protained to anything going on in my life, yet I just loved feeling her close to me when I woke up. This time my dream was alittle crazy! In my dream I was having another baby, and it was a girl. I named her Mary Elizabeth... There was nobody else in the dream except me and my baby! Well, we all know I can't have any babies do that is out of the question! Yet I wonder if I am having random dreams about her a lot because she is with me right now. I know that she is always there when I need her, but maybe lately she just knew I needed her more than ever and she is letting me know it will all be ok. Right now I am on this amazing adventure of a trip that I am so lucky to be on, yet I think she noted me to know she is enjoying me happy!
I have such a hard time sleeping on airplanes, yet today thankfully our flights seem to be going quick! I have seemed to doze off a few times, and this last time I woke, my dream came to me so clear..... It was a similar resemblance of my dream last night, my Grandma...... Neither protained to anything going on in my life, yet I just loved feeling her close to me when I woke up. This time my dream was alittle crazy! In my dream I was having another baby, and it was a girl. I named her Mary Elizabeth... There was nobody else in the dream except me and my baby! Well, we all know I can't have any babies do that is out of the question! Yet I wonder if I am having random dreams about her a lot because she is with me right now. I know that she is always there when I need her, but maybe lately she just knew I needed her more than ever and she is letting me know it will all be ok. Right now I am on this amazing adventure of a trip that I am so lucky to be on, yet I think she noted me to know she is enjoying me happy!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Emotional day
I am such a moody person!!! I know that women are emotional, but I create a whole new level.
A lot of let downs lately and feeling alittle insecure.. Ok, a lot of insecure! The sad thing is, is that I know that most things that happen are for the best, yet I feel embarrassed! You build yourself up and let everyone know vocally, and then you look and feel like an ass because of all the let downs.
I still have yet to lose any weight! Grrr. It's my own fault cuz I put zero effort into it, and spend too much time sulking about it. I just have to find a way out of this slump!!!!!! I let all the yucky rule my life and have to find a better way to deal! I even catch myself sneaking and hiding when I eat bad foods. I don't want to be judged. And I know those around me see my horrible transformation, believe me I hear about it!
On another note, so many good things are happening and I have to remember them! Kids and I have a house in town, it's huge! I have nowhere near enough furniture for it! Still working on that. Yet I love having our own space and the kids feel at home, which is so important to me. I struggle with it financially, yet always make it work. Gavin started kindergarten this year,Landyn is in 1st grade and Ashtin in 3rd. They all have AWESOME teachers which I couldn't be happier about. Poor Landyn broke his arm the 2nd day of school on the monkey bars. Surgery and all, and now we are dealing with a cast. He is doing great with it, I am more of the worry wart! Gavin has gotten more and more sassy, and I just don't know what to do with him most days! Ashtin is emotional and likes to hide it all. I worry the most about him. But I am lucky, all the boys are super intelligent, Landyn they are evening discussing a gifted program.. Don't know how I feel about that, we will have to see. The boys do pretty well with all of the changes and struggles, ashtin is the one that takes everything the hardest. People say kids are resilient, yet I think it depends on the age and their personality. I feel like I have let him down and this is something he will never get over.... I hear I hate you at least twice a week. I know when the kids get older, they will understand more, but for now, I have let him down and I am the worst mom ever for taking his dad away.... And that will continue to hurt me until he realizes it was for the best. How he feels down the road does not make now any easier.
Do I ever wonder if I should have just stayed and been miserable to make them happy? Of course I do. I also wish I had done it sooner so that it would have been easier with them younger, especially Ashtin! Yet it is what it is now, and moving past it and accepting the yuck is what I have to do. I never imagined that it would be this hard though. Emotionally draining and so insecure. Everyone can say "it will get better", and "you can't let the bad run your life", yet they don't have to live it. I have my good and my bad days. I am fabulous at putting on a smile and making everyone believe I have it all figured out, especially the kids! They are the last ones that need to see or deal with anymore of all this. And the sad thing is, it won't get better or easier for at least 13 years. He will continue to have an emotional pull at my heart and moods until I legally don't have to anymore. So until then I might as well just expect that he will be a low life with no job whom can't afford to help raise his children forever!!! And I need to just find a way to deal with it. Why do I let him and all of this run my life!!! Why did I have to pick the crappy marriage? I have always dreamed of love, yet so scared of it, and this is what I got!!! When does it get easier, cuz I just don't know how much longer I can deal... I am at a dark spot that I can't get out of and I am having a hard time masking it lately. My temper is crappy, my mood swings are horrible, all I want to do is sleep when the kids are gone. How do I let myself fall here??? How do I get out???
Anyway, I am in serious need of some me time!! That is soon to come, thank goodness!! I look around at the world and the people around me, and I know it could be so much worse. I know that I have 3 healthy wonderful boys that live me and depend on me! I know that I have a job and lucky in today's economy! Things could be so much worse, yet my struggles are my own and I am just having a hard time with them. I know that I am blessed and I love my family for all of their support!!! Tomorrow I will put on the happy face and be thankful, tonight I am emotional!
I know this blog was all over the board and like a roller coaster, well welcome to the mind and heart of a crazy person!
A lot of let downs lately and feeling alittle insecure.. Ok, a lot of insecure! The sad thing is, is that I know that most things that happen are for the best, yet I feel embarrassed! You build yourself up and let everyone know vocally, and then you look and feel like an ass because of all the let downs.
I still have yet to lose any weight! Grrr. It's my own fault cuz I put zero effort into it, and spend too much time sulking about it. I just have to find a way out of this slump!!!!!! I let all the yucky rule my life and have to find a better way to deal! I even catch myself sneaking and hiding when I eat bad foods. I don't want to be judged. And I know those around me see my horrible transformation, believe me I hear about it!
On another note, so many good things are happening and I have to remember them! Kids and I have a house in town, it's huge! I have nowhere near enough furniture for it! Still working on that. Yet I love having our own space and the kids feel at home, which is so important to me. I struggle with it financially, yet always make it work. Gavin started kindergarten this year,Landyn is in 1st grade and Ashtin in 3rd. They all have AWESOME teachers which I couldn't be happier about. Poor Landyn broke his arm the 2nd day of school on the monkey bars. Surgery and all, and now we are dealing with a cast. He is doing great with it, I am more of the worry wart! Gavin has gotten more and more sassy, and I just don't know what to do with him most days! Ashtin is emotional and likes to hide it all. I worry the most about him. But I am lucky, all the boys are super intelligent, Landyn they are evening discussing a gifted program.. Don't know how I feel about that, we will have to see. The boys do pretty well with all of the changes and struggles, ashtin is the one that takes everything the hardest. People say kids are resilient, yet I think it depends on the age and their personality. I feel like I have let him down and this is something he will never get over.... I hear I hate you at least twice a week. I know when the kids get older, they will understand more, but for now, I have let him down and I am the worst mom ever for taking his dad away.... And that will continue to hurt me until he realizes it was for the best. How he feels down the road does not make now any easier.
Do I ever wonder if I should have just stayed and been miserable to make them happy? Of course I do. I also wish I had done it sooner so that it would have been easier with them younger, especially Ashtin! Yet it is what it is now, and moving past it and accepting the yuck is what I have to do. I never imagined that it would be this hard though. Emotionally draining and so insecure. Everyone can say "it will get better", and "you can't let the bad run your life", yet they don't have to live it. I have my good and my bad days. I am fabulous at putting on a smile and making everyone believe I have it all figured out, especially the kids! They are the last ones that need to see or deal with anymore of all this. And the sad thing is, it won't get better or easier for at least 13 years. He will continue to have an emotional pull at my heart and moods until I legally don't have to anymore. So until then I might as well just expect that he will be a low life with no job whom can't afford to help raise his children forever!!! And I need to just find a way to deal with it. Why do I let him and all of this run my life!!! Why did I have to pick the crappy marriage? I have always dreamed of love, yet so scared of it, and this is what I got!!! When does it get easier, cuz I just don't know how much longer I can deal... I am at a dark spot that I can't get out of and I am having a hard time masking it lately. My temper is crappy, my mood swings are horrible, all I want to do is sleep when the kids are gone. How do I let myself fall here??? How do I get out???
Anyway, I am in serious need of some me time!! That is soon to come, thank goodness!! I look around at the world and the people around me, and I know it could be so much worse. I know that I have 3 healthy wonderful boys that live me and depend on me! I know that I have a job and lucky in today's economy! Things could be so much worse, yet my struggles are my own and I am just having a hard time with them. I know that I am blessed and I love my family for all of their support!!! Tomorrow I will put on the happy face and be thankful, tonight I am emotional!
I know this blog was all over the board and like a roller coaster, well welcome to the mind and heart of a crazy person!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Taking The First Step!!!
Anyone that knows me, knows I use to be skinny!! Big butt, but skinny!!! And I know that looks are not everything, but I need to find a way to feel better!!
I go on roller coasters where I do great and lose a little then I gain it and more back! I never had to diet or watch what I ate, then I had 3 kids in 3 years..... Needless to say, now I'm fat.
I just can't figure out how to make a good change that is healthy for me. I don't have a lot of spare time to go to the gym daily with my work schedule and the boys. Plus I am an extremely emotional person and when I'm upset I eat and can't sleep so I eat more. Plus I have zero self control. I need to be in a junk food free zone to control it or something. Plus even when I'm not stressed or emotional, I dont sleep well and get bored so I eat.....
How do I make a fresh start? I need to do this for myself to feel better and for confidence. I know I will never look the way I use to, but I just want to feel and look better!!!!
So I need to be more active and healthier.... Help me people... Help!
I go on roller coasters where I do great and lose a little then I gain it and more back! I never had to diet or watch what I ate, then I had 3 kids in 3 years..... Needless to say, now I'm fat.
I just can't figure out how to make a good change that is healthy for me. I don't have a lot of spare time to go to the gym daily with my work schedule and the boys. Plus I am an extremely emotional person and when I'm upset I eat and can't sleep so I eat more. Plus I have zero self control. I need to be in a junk food free zone to control it or something. Plus even when I'm not stressed or emotional, I dont sleep well and get bored so I eat.....
How do I make a fresh start? I need to do this for myself to feel better and for confidence. I know I will never look the way I use to, but I just want to feel and look better!!!!
So I need to be more active and healthier.... Help me people... Help!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Cleveland Aquarium
The kids are on spring break this week, and with yesterday being my only day off, we had a fun day!
First we met up with Liz & Sofia and went to Hard Rock for lunch! It was fun and yummy!!!
Then we all went up to the new Cleveland aquarium in the flats. I didn't realize it but they shut down Rock Bottom Brewery, and moved the Improv! So that is the building where the aquarium is. It was really neat, yet really expensive. I have more photos on my camera, this was all I had from my iPhone before it died. The glass tunnel and the touch area was the kids favorite, and it was neat. But not worth the money of 1 trip. For me and the boys it was almost $70. And we were only there for 2 hours and that was going through it all twice. So for $50 more, we got a pass for a whole year. Which if we ever went one more time doing this saved me money. Cuz I know between family and friends we will go back! Yet if your only going once, it's not worth the money at all!!!
Over all the kids had a lot if fun seeing each other again and they loved the aquarium, yet as a parent I was a little disappointed!
First we met up with Liz & Sofia and went to Hard Rock for lunch! It was fun and yummy!!!
Then we all went up to the new Cleveland aquarium in the flats. I didn't realize it but they shut down Rock Bottom Brewery, and moved the Improv! So that is the building where the aquarium is. It was really neat, yet really expensive. I have more photos on my camera, this was all I had from my iPhone before it died. The glass tunnel and the touch area was the kids favorite, and it was neat. But not worth the money of 1 trip. For me and the boys it was almost $70. And we were only there for 2 hours and that was going through it all twice. So for $50 more, we got a pass for a whole year. Which if we ever went one more time doing this saved me money. Cuz I know between family and friends we will go back! Yet if your only going once, it's not worth the money at all!!!
Over all the kids had a lot if fun seeing each other again and they loved the aquarium, yet as a parent I was a little disappointed!
True Friends
Have you ever noticed how many friends just come and go in your life, but only a few stay forever!! We all have those people we see every once in a while or just run into each other, which is great!
Yet those friends that you can see every day, once a month, or a couple times a year, that you can truly be yourself around, and it's like time never passes...... I have a few of those, and I'm so thankful. Of course we all wish we made more time for each other, and that we did more together. But we also except each others lives for what they are....
We all have a lot of friends that we know on different levels, but those true deep down sisters are the best!!! I love my girlies!
Yet those friends that you can see every day, once a month, or a couple times a year, that you can truly be yourself around, and it's like time never passes...... I have a few of those, and I'm so thankful. Of course we all wish we made more time for each other, and that we did more together. But we also except each others lives for what they are....
We all have a lot of friends that we know on different levels, but those true deep down sisters are the best!!! I love my girlies!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Life as I see it!!
Life has been so blessed lately and I am feeling like the old me more and more. I know life throws everyone punches and struggles and I just didn't deal with mine very well. But I am really feeling like I am coming out of it.
I started a new job this month, and it feels nice to get life back on track. After having a career for so long it sucked to have that insecure feeling for awhile. But I can say, this feels good.... I have a good feeling and all I can do is work hard to be successful at it.
My baby has kindergarten registration this next month!!! I can't believe it. I feel like time is just flying by.... Now if I can just detach him from mommy long enough to do good, that would be great!!
Ashtin & Landyn are taking guitar lessons now. Landyn seems to pick it up really easily and loves it. Ashtin does really good, but he just doesn't want to work for it. This kid is going to be the one that tests me the most I believe. He is just like his dad and bull headed just like me.... Then there is Landyn whoms teacher just loves him and everyone else.... They think he should go into the gifted program. He use to be my little devil and is now just the sweetest thing.... I'm blessed with them all...
And my heart is finally feeling a little better. I am learning to let go of some of my hate and anger. Life is hard, and I must just face that. I cannot hate the past anymore or wish it was different. I love my boys and they r the best of it all. I am starting to feel hope again in things and hoping to soften my heart.... I just have to learn that I cannot bare it all alone and that it was just a test. I have won, and I am through it. I give thanks for that daily.
I started a new job this month, and it feels nice to get life back on track. After having a career for so long it sucked to have that insecure feeling for awhile. But I can say, this feels good.... I have a good feeling and all I can do is work hard to be successful at it.
My baby has kindergarten registration this next month!!! I can't believe it. I feel like time is just flying by.... Now if I can just detach him from mommy long enough to do good, that would be great!!
Ashtin & Landyn are taking guitar lessons now. Landyn seems to pick it up really easily and loves it. Ashtin does really good, but he just doesn't want to work for it. This kid is going to be the one that tests me the most I believe. He is just like his dad and bull headed just like me.... Then there is Landyn whoms teacher just loves him and everyone else.... They think he should go into the gifted program. He use to be my little devil and is now just the sweetest thing.... I'm blessed with them all...
And my heart is finally feeling a little better. I am learning to let go of some of my hate and anger. Life is hard, and I must just face that. I cannot hate the past anymore or wish it was different. I love my boys and they r the best of it all. I am starting to feel hope again in things and hoping to soften my heart.... I just have to learn that I cannot bare it all alone and that it was just a test. I have won, and I am through it. I give thanks for that daily.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Am I loveable?
So I come to my blog tonight to write, just cuz I feel like it and it seems to make me feel better most times...
I have had a pretty amazing week of good things and sunshine entering my life, and I could not be more thankful and appriciative.. Things have been so rough for so long, that I started to think they would never look up. Yet I should have stronger faith in the fact that it will all work out and that I am being taken care of and always have what I need.. I am lucky.
I have been very emotional lately when it comes to love and feeling that desire to need compassion and affection. I know that it is obviously something that you cannot force or go finding, yet I am just a romantic at heart and dream of the day that I can love again and to have someone love me back. I went to the movies tonight to see "The Vow" and I just can't seem to get it off of my mind. I can only dream that love that deep and beautiful is real. And if it is, I can only pray that it finds me.... To be that special to someone and for them to love you whole hearted is amazing. Nothing in life is perfect except true love. Circumstances and life interfere, yet love is perfect...
I sometimes wonder if I am still loveable. I have so many fears and issues of trust, yet I hope someone breaks down those walls someday. I have pushed people away all my life, including those that I have been lucky enough to have loved me when I wasnt ready, and now I am scared that I lost my chance or that there are not going to be anymore.... I want something new, fresh, and something to make me feel alive again.... Is it out there somewhere????
I have had a pretty amazing week of good things and sunshine entering my life, and I could not be more thankful and appriciative.. Things have been so rough for so long, that I started to think they would never look up. Yet I should have stronger faith in the fact that it will all work out and that I am being taken care of and always have what I need.. I am lucky.
I have been very emotional lately when it comes to love and feeling that desire to need compassion and affection. I know that it is obviously something that you cannot force or go finding, yet I am just a romantic at heart and dream of the day that I can love again and to have someone love me back. I went to the movies tonight to see "The Vow" and I just can't seem to get it off of my mind. I can only dream that love that deep and beautiful is real. And if it is, I can only pray that it finds me.... To be that special to someone and for them to love you whole hearted is amazing. Nothing in life is perfect except true love. Circumstances and life interfere, yet love is perfect...
I sometimes wonder if I am still loveable. I have so many fears and issues of trust, yet I hope someone breaks down those walls someday. I have pushed people away all my life, including those that I have been lucky enough to have loved me when I wasnt ready, and now I am scared that I lost my chance or that there are not going to be anymore.... I want something new, fresh, and something to make me feel alive again.... Is it out there somewhere????
Friday, February 3, 2012
Me and my thoughts...
Sometimes you just want someone to listen and hold you when you are crying or need to talk.... Sometimes you just need someone to say, you are beautiful.... And sometimes you just want to hear, I love you....
I am so incredibly blessed by such an amazing family and group of friends, yet sometimes it just gets emotionally lonely. I have always been a very physical and emotional person. That is how I express myself, and who doesn't love to cuddle or just get attention. I have noticed it more lately bothering me. I always say I hate men for all that I have been through, and that I need time... Yet I know I am ready for some type of something.. I don't know what it will be, or maybe just a friendship. But I need something.
I don't think I even know how to date anymore, and even how to go about it... So crazy compared to me 10 years ago. LOL. Yet I also have no self confidence anymore.... Where do I begin, and how do I start this journey. I know deep down that I am feeling better and I am not ready for anything serious, yet I just want to start somewhere... Pray for me, cuz I may need it, and so will he..... LOL
I am so incredibly blessed by such an amazing family and group of friends, yet sometimes it just gets emotionally lonely. I have always been a very physical and emotional person. That is how I express myself, and who doesn't love to cuddle or just get attention. I have noticed it more lately bothering me. I always say I hate men for all that I have been through, and that I need time... Yet I know I am ready for some type of something.. I don't know what it will be, or maybe just a friendship. But I need something.
I don't think I even know how to date anymore, and even how to go about it... So crazy compared to me 10 years ago. LOL. Yet I also have no self confidence anymore.... Where do I begin, and how do I start this journey. I know deep down that I am feeling better and I am not ready for anything serious, yet I just want to start somewhere... Pray for me, cuz I may need it, and so will he..... LOL
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Winter and the start of a New Year 2012!!
Birthday's, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years always seem to fly by so fast for me. With having all 3 boys birthdays in Nov, Dec, and Jan plus everything else, I always seem to run crazy!!! Yet my baby is turning 5 this month!!!
Christmas was great this year, and the kids and I were so blessed! I had a hard time at first, yet remembering what it was all about and sharing that with the kids was so important. They got spoiled of course, and my
family spoiled all of us!!! Yet just spending it with ALL of my family after all they have done for me and how much support they have been was the best gift of all...
Ashtin turned 8 in November!! So hard to believe. Ashtin is still kinda shy and trying to find his place I think. He asked for a guitar for Christmas and also got guitar lessons, so we will see how that goes. His dad is very talented in that area, so hopefully it rubbed off on him too. He continues to be extremely intelligent for his age.He tried out karate and baseball, yet didn't really take to either. So basketball it still is...
Landyn turned 6 in December and is doing great in kindergarten!!! He is by far the most intellegent of the boys so far, but don't tell him that. He is such a thinker and is always always trying to figure things out. He has absolutely no fear and will try anything. Christmas morning he got a skateboard, which he talked about for months, and within 5 minutes of being done with presents he had his helmet and pads on and was outside. First time I check on him, he was headed for the hill into the trees.... He also has taken on basketball, yet he wants to do football when it starts in 1st grade. I can see that being something he will enjoy more. He is by far the most like me and my family. He looks just like a Reynolds, and has our personality..... Let's hope he gets the good stuff.LOL
And Gavin turns 5 this month and is ending his last year in preschool!! He is such a mommy's boy, yes I said it.... The doctor says that he will be the biggest of the 3 boys and I believe it. He is growing so fast and is sharing clothes with Landyn now!!! He is begging to play basketball and can't wait to be in school to get into activities. He follows his big brothers around like crazy and is Landyn's buddy. But he is also my little devil. That boy tests every bone in my body.....But I love him and those baby blues....
So the new year hasn't started off fantastic, yet I guess it could be worse. Right now I am battling mono and last month I had Shingles.... So needless to say my body is screaming for less stress and a better immune system... I just hope that I learn to have more patience this year, learn to love more, and grow as a person through my challenges and come out strong. I hope to find a permenant situation for my life or a good path to lead me there..... I just want to be happy, not rich or instantly skinny, just happy and hopefully the skinny part comes along the way..... LOL.
Enjoy some of the pics I put up of fall, Gavin's Christmas Program, and our wonderful family in the past few months.
Christmas was great this year, and the kids and I were so blessed! I had a hard time at first, yet remembering what it was all about and sharing that with the kids was so important. They got spoiled of course, and my
family spoiled all of us!!! Yet just spending it with ALL of my family after all they have done for me and how much support they have been was the best gift of all...
Ashtin turned 8 in November!! So hard to believe. Ashtin is still kinda shy and trying to find his place I think. He asked for a guitar for Christmas and also got guitar lessons, so we will see how that goes. His dad is very talented in that area, so hopefully it rubbed off on him too. He continues to be extremely intelligent for his age.He tried out karate and baseball, yet didn't really take to either. So basketball it still is...
Landyn turned 6 in December and is doing great in kindergarten!!! He is by far the most intellegent of the boys so far, but don't tell him that. He is such a thinker and is always always trying to figure things out. He has absolutely no fear and will try anything. Christmas morning he got a skateboard, which he talked about for months, and within 5 minutes of being done with presents he had his helmet and pads on and was outside. First time I check on him, he was headed for the hill into the trees.... He also has taken on basketball, yet he wants to do football when it starts in 1st grade. I can see that being something he will enjoy more. He is by far the most like me and my family. He looks just like a Reynolds, and has our personality..... Let's hope he gets the good stuff.LOL
And Gavin turns 5 this month and is ending his last year in preschool!! He is such a mommy's boy, yes I said it.... The doctor says that he will be the biggest of the 3 boys and I believe it. He is growing so fast and is sharing clothes with Landyn now!!! He is begging to play basketball and can't wait to be in school to get into activities. He follows his big brothers around like crazy and is Landyn's buddy. But he is also my little devil. That boy tests every bone in my body.....But I love him and those baby blues....
So the new year hasn't started off fantastic, yet I guess it could be worse. Right now I am battling mono and last month I had Shingles.... So needless to say my body is screaming for less stress and a better immune system... I just hope that I learn to have more patience this year, learn to love more, and grow as a person through my challenges and come out strong. I hope to find a permenant situation for my life or a good path to lead me there..... I just want to be happy, not rich or instantly skinny, just happy and hopefully the skinny part comes along the way..... LOL.
Enjoy some of the pics I put up of fall, Gavin's Christmas Program, and our wonderful family in the past few months.
The Perfect Way to Live Your Life!!!
1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled .
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness .
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.”
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled .
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness .
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.”
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